1---
2// this file is entirely ai generated and is probably pure slop.
3// i just think its funny.
4
5meta:
6 title: "IFRA 2026 Technical Digest"
7 description: >-
8 The authoritative racing-form analysis for interdimensional
9 ferret competitors, ratified by the council of seven.
10theme:
11 bg: "#1a0033"
12 fg: "#f0e6ff"
13 primary: "#c084fc"
14 accent: "#f472b6"
15---
16import "./ferret-digest.css";
17import RaceCard from "./race-card.marko";
18import Timeline from "./timeline.marko";
19
20static const season = 2026;
21static const topSpeed = 4.2;
22server console.log("digest rendered for season", season);
23client console.log("welcome to the digest, organic reader");
24
25// m/s — disputed by the Pleiades bureau
26// editorial: stats are unofficial until ratified by the IFRA tribunal
27
28<main>
29<nav>[← home](/)</nav>
30
31# IFRA ${season} Technical Digest
32
33*compiled by the editorial board · interdimensional ferret racing association*
34
35---
36
37Welcome to the **${season} IFRA Technical Digest** — the most exhaustive
38breakdown of ferret racing statistics ever assembled across 7 confirmed
39dimensions and 3 disputed ones. All figures are current as of cycle 14.
40
41> "Speed is not a property of the ferret.
42> Speed is a property of the *relationship between the ferret and the void.*"
43>
44> — Commissioner Bryndal, IFRA opening address, 2019
45
46## Race Categories
47
48There are three primary formats, each demanding distinct physiological
49and metaphysical qualities from the competitor:
50
511. **Sprint** — 20 m, pure acceleration, zero dimensional portals allowed
522. **Obstacle Course** — 60 m, includes hedge mazes and one (1) sentient fog bank
533. **Cross-Dimensional Marathon** — distance undefined; time is non-linear here
54
55All competitors must register at `≤450g`. Biometric exemptions are handled
56on a case-by-case basis by the tribunal of weights and measures.
57
58---
59
60## Current Standings
61
62<if=standingsAvailable>
63
64The season-${season} leaderboard is live. Top performers this cycle:
65
66<for|ferret, i| of=competitors>
67
68### ${i + 1}. ${ferret.name} <span style="opacity:.5">(${ferret.origin})</span>
69
70Personal best: **${ferret.pb}s** · Current form: *${ferret.form}*
71
72<RaceCard data=ferret />
73
74</for>
75
76</if>
77<else>
78
79Standings are **unavailable** pending tribunal ratification of the
80Mirror-7 portal incident. Check back next cycle.
81
82</else>
83
84---
85
86## Speed Records by Dimension
87
88| Dimension | Record Holder | Time (s) | Portals Used |
89|-----------|--------------|----------|-------------|
90| Earth-Prime | Biscuit | 1.8 | 0 |
91| Mirror-7 | Biscuit (reflected) | 1.7 | 2 |
92| Dimension Ω | Crumble | 2.1 | 1 |
93| The Beige Zone | unknown | — | unknown |
94
95The all-time record of **${topSpeed}m/s** was set during the 2022 Orion-6
96sprint, shortly after Biscuit consumed a small sandwich. The record remains
97under review due to [unclear nutritional regulations][rule-12b].
98
99[rule-12b]: /rules#12b
100
101---
102
103## Track Conditions: Cycle 14
104
105<if=conditionsAvailable>
106
107Conditions are nominal. Live telemetry excerpt from the Orion-6 sensor array:
108
109```json
110{
111 "track": "Orion-6",
112 "wind_ms": 0.03,
113 "humidity": 0.42,
114 "dimensional_stability": "mostly stable",
115 "sentient_fog_banks": 1,
116 "fog_bank_mood": "brooding"
117}
118```
119
120Fog bank disposition is elevated — handlers should avoid direct eye contact.
121
122</if>
123<else>
124
125Telemetry data is **temporarily offline** due to a dimensional calibration
126event. Estimated restoration: 2–4 cycles.
127
128</else>
129
130---
131
132## Inline Controls
133
134Submit a competitor correction:
135<input type="text" placeholder="ferret name" />
136<button onClick() { submitCorrection() }>submit</button>
137
138Toggle dark mode: <theme-toggle label="dark" />
139
140---
141
142## Historical Timeline
143
144<Timeline>
145<@event year=2019>
146First interdimensional portal installed at the Orion-6 track.
147Seventeen ferrets immediately ran directly into it.
148</>
149<@event year=2021>
150The Beige Zone is discovered. Initial reports describe it as "vaguely unsettling".
151</>
152<@event year=2022>
153Biscuit sets the all-time speed record. Sandwich still unaccounted for.
154</>
155<@event year=2025>
156Mirror-7 portal incident. Details classified pending tribunal review.
157</>
158<@event year=season current=true>
159Season ${season} underway. You are reading this in real time.
160</>
161</>
162
163---
164
165## References & Further Reading
166
167- IFRA official records: <https://ifra.void/records>
168- Ferret aerodynamics paper: [On the Mustelid Boundary Layer][paper]
169- Dimensional portal specifications: [IFRA Engineering Manual, Vol. 3][eng]
170- Biscuit fan site: <https://biscuit.fan>
171
172[paper]: https://arxiv.void/abs/2026.00042
173[eng]: /docs/engineering-manual-vol3
174
175---
176
177<!-- legal: no ferrets were harmed in the production of this digest.
178 the beige zone is not endorsed by the association. -->
179
180// document ends — next update: cycle 15
181
182</main>